It’s really interesting that lack of connection is what you jump to immediately as the cause of your sense of meaninglessness. I wonder what “thriving in society” looks like to you?

And you may have tried this already, but personally I’ve found group hobbies to improve my sense of connectedness. I’m part of a group that meets regularly to sketch on street corners and in coffee shops. I’m not best friends with anyone there, but it’s very fulfilling just to sit with people in the same space for a couple hours, listen to them talk, and share our sketches. There might be drawing, hiking, photography, dance, etc. groups near you…?

You’re certainly not alone in feeling lonely these days though. Modern society is so isolating, connecting feels like such a challenge.

I’ve gone through dozens of hardcover Moleskines and a couple Hobonichis, and countless other random notebooks. Because I write so much and don’t want to create waste, I use fountain pens which I fill with my favorite waterproof, UV-resistant, archival inks.

These days I typically use 3 physical journals daily:

- a pocket-sized softcover sketchbook which I keep in my wallet for thoughts/drawings about town

- a larger softcover Leuchtturm for more longform writing, which I bring along when I’m feeling thoughtful

- a Hobonichi “5 year journal” which I keep at home, every morning briefly logging the main events of the previous day

3 books is probably overkill for most people. I don’t set journaling goals/expectations for myself, rather I just write when I feel the need to work something out (which is pretty well all the time). My journals get filled with random doodles, writing in all directions, ticket stubs, etc. I’m quite informal about it but I’m never without some type of notebook. I follow the maxim “an artist is a person with a sketchbook attached,” believing that the same applies to writers and journals. I’m more consistent about carrying my notebooks than I am with carrying my phone.

I also use Obsidian heavily for general PKM, and sometimes journal-type essays wind up in there if my hand is tired.

I highly recommend the nonfiction book ‘The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper’ for those interested in the technology of notebooks/sketchbooks, how they have evolved over time, and how people use them for various applications that most people never think of.

I will never ever ever ever go back. The perks of online connection were never worth the sacrifices.

I don’t have a history of ADHD symptoms. But I’ve been happier and arguably more productive since I abandoned the idea that I must complete projects just because I committed to them at the start. Sometimes you learn, halfway through a book, that it doesn’t contain the info you thought it would; then it’s best abandoned. The same applies to many commitments, I think. We learn more about them as we undertake them. Something might stop being engaging because deep down we’ve realized that it won’t serve us as we expected.

But maybe I’m able to discern productive vs nonproductive commitments because I don’t have ADHD? I just hate to see people beating themselves up about not following through with ideas which really don’t deserve follow-through.

Maybe it works because we kept our heads down until we were settled, and loosened up after gaining enough experience to develop good instincts? Interesting to hear someone else has taken a similar path with similar results!

Character/personality in a creative work imo comes largely from an element of surprise. If there’s nothing counterintuitive about a work, it’s not very memorable/enticing. Maybe that’s why AI art/text feels so bland. The Platonic ideal is bland. But also, if you’re looking for function rather than art, AI can dish it out.

I figured the issue out the old-fashioned way, but it was a little annoying that I had to waste extra time deciphering the hallucinations, and then explaining why they were hallucinations.

I.e., I think your notebooks were likely more valuable/useful toward the “ introspective archeological” purpose that you mentioned, because your notebook contained true, original thought in a more curated manner. It sounds like the author’s archive didn’t contain much of that.

Sorry you regret your decision :/