I'm slightly younger than you are but I remember how video games and sitting in front of my computer made me feel like this. You asked how to be willing to be alone but I will pivot my answer here that maybe you don't have to be alone? If you don't want to be alone here are the steps I would take nowadays.

I would recommend finding a improv class. This helps you to get used to laugh to yourself and make a fool of yourself. Also the people attending improv classes are more open in general. When you are more comfortable with these feelings then it becomes easier to open up a conversation with strangers. First times it feels awkward but you can frame the narrative that this is just you learning social skills and your body adapting to the new situation. When you do this enough it becomes easier to find new people into your life. You might feel creepy and they might feel that you're creepy but it becomes easier when you practice. Be open about your learning: "Sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm trying to learn how to speak to others. How is your day going?"

If the chit-chat goes well ask them for coffee or a lunch or if they want to join you for a walk with your dog. Strangers often ask if they can pet my dog when walking in the public with her. Put your focus into them rather than your feelings. Ask how their day has been. Ask how do they spend their time. Ask follow up questions: "Oh you like knitting? It reminds me of my Grandma. Are your granparents still alive? How often do you see them?". This way other people feel that you are actually paying attention and it helps you to connect with them.

Read also this one: https://www.experimental-history.com/p/good-conversations-ha...

Learn how to use your calendar and start planning stuff together with the people you meet. Most of the people are just self-centered and want to have someone who would listen to them. If you provide this for them you will find people who are interested in your company. Hopefully eventually you will meet also few people who will listen to you as well.

When you start having more friends/acquaintances the hollow feeling did go away for me. The hollow feeling still comes every now and then but I've somehow accidentally built a routine that when it comes I will reach my phone and suggest something to do for my friends.

YMMV but for me it has been a long journey but definitely worth it and doable for others if they can endure the anxiety during the way. Also remember to sleep/eat/excercise in addition like others said. When you don't everything else falls apart.

This feels hurtful even though its hard to disagree. Self-reflection is of course useful and I’ve done it for countless of hours and been in therapy for years.

Your boxes for transactional or non-transactional relationships are too simplistic. You maybe feel like you can compare me to someone you know and try to fit this example to your own experiences. All relationships have at least 1 person who is doing some effort to keep it going. Good ones have 2 persons.

Its of course too early to say if my methods will form long-lasting ones or not but it feels like theres a chance and so far so good. Please link me long-term studies which prove this wrong ;)

I wish you all the best and I hope you can self-reflect on your own assumptions too :)

This is just how most people are.

There are counter examples like I mentioned above but they are rare. These are the people I should have prioritised much more and way earlier. It took me way too long to realise that quality >>> quantity regarding relationships.

I hope you will still arrange movie Thursdays sometime in the future even if nobody else will :)!

Also I'm happy that you have the few good friends for 15+ years. Grass might always be greener on the other side but I would trade those immediately for the thousands of acquittances.

Ive arranged countless parties. People have met eachother in those and are happily married nowadays or have made friends during those events. Somehow the relationship between me and them formed into one where they were expecting me to arrange and include them everytime without offering help or asking me in return. Ive done all the things both of you mentioned and you’re definitely right that this does filter out plenty of people but I dont mind that nowadays.

The ones that get filtered through are the ones I feel like I should spend my energy and I have strong feeling that some of the effort does echo back to me during the times I dont have energy to be the one who arranges. It feels very nice but again we have different needs and YMMV. This works for me and I should have been more explicit about my background in the initial post as well.

Most people are clueless and will never do anything in return if you're implicitly expecting them to behave in certain manner.

I felt lonely year ago and I messaged over 160 people and met over 100.

When departing with them I tried to say to all of them that: ”It was nice to meet you. If you liked it as well can you arrange it next time? If you didnt like it and I was annoying you please message me later on how I could have been better.”

Less than 10% of the 100 people did reach back to me but they are very wonderful folks and I’m happy with their company.

Finding great friends needs you to be explicit on what you want and also having enough social stamina to endure through this.

Be willing to let go of the friends who are just passengers in your relationships and rarely show up without doing anything in return. Life is short and theres opportunity cost in each moment.

It's so easy to embed duckdb anywhere. Current smartphones already have enough CPU juice to handle almost anything and duckdb can query and cache geoparquet files eg from the Overture maps.

Would someone here know a similiar tool for iOS or MacOS? Or any recommendations to edit roads.

We are currently driving with a 4.5 tonne motorhome in Europe and the road weight and height limits are usually marked properly in osmand+ but when they are not we waste multiple hours rerouting in the alps and I would really want to help the next person in similar situation.

$ git ls-remote "https://github.com/$repo.git" "refs/tags/$tag"

Even though the grep and sed are not very readable this was very useful way to avoid yet another tool!

https://github.blog/news-insights/company-news/sha-1-collisi...

Is anyone aware of a git hook I could use to analyse my .github/workflows/*.yml files and replace git tags like "v4" with the current git commit hashes?

I think this would make it much safer to use 3rd party GitHub Actions.

- uses: actions/checkout@v4

Github does advise people to harden their actions by referring to git commit hashes [2] but Github currently only supports SHA-1 as hashing algorithm. Creating collisions with this hashing algo will be more and more affordable and I'm afraid that we will see attacks using the hash collisions during my lifetime.

I wish that they will add support for SHA-256 soon and wrote product feedback regarding it here: https://github.com/orgs/community/discussions/154056

If this resonates with you please go and give it a thumbs up :)

[1]: https://github.com/actions/checkout?tab=readme-ov-file#usage

[2]: https://docs.github.com/en/actions/security-for-github-actio...

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43279859

Points: 13

# Comments: 1