Hacker News: stroz

New comment by stroz in "I'm becoming AI-blind"

stroz — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 20:13:24 +0000

AI;DR

New comment by stroz in "The simplest advice I ever got about loneliness"

stroz — Fri, 23 Jan 2026 16:45:11 +0000

I believe your dad figured out the secret! The people who never run out of friends are the ones who stopped counting whose turn it is.

The simplest advice I ever got about loneliness

stroz — Fri, 23 Jan 2026 16:30:47 +0000

Article URL: https://soonly.com/simplest-advice-about-loneliness/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46734432

Points: 2

# Comments: 3

The Simplest Advice I Ever Got About Loneliness

stroz — Thu, 22 Jan 2026 17:01:42 +0000

Article URL: https://soonly.com/simplest-advice-about-loneliness/

Comments URL: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46721905

Points: 1

# Comments: 2

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 19:19:08 +0000

You're right, it's definitely a prisoner's dilemma. Except in this version, the punishment is usually just awkwardness, and the reward is sometimes igniting life changing connections. It's asymmetrical reward.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 19:16:27 +0000

It's so easy to overthink the content when it's about the contact. What if it's just "saw this and thought of you"? Could be anything. The connection isn't in having the perfect topic, it's in remembering the connection exists.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 19:13:39 +0000

You captured the human condition perfectly. We're all walking contradictions trying to guess which fences are real.

One way to look at it is to just test one fence. Just one. If it shocks you, now you know. If it doesn't, now you're free. And either way, you're now no longer guessing.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:45:28 +0000

You're not wrong. Some of us need space more than connection. Your birthday, your rules. There's a difference between healthy boundaries and unnecessary barriers, and it's very personal. The key is knowing which is which.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:39:52 +0000

You're right, socializing has different costs for different people.

Some fences are boundaries, not barriers and that's ok!

Not every fence needs to come down. Honor what serves you.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:37:21 +0000

Growing up inside the fence means never learning there was an outside.

Learning as an adult is like learning a new language, slow, often awkward, but possible.

Start tiny. One word texts. "Hey!"

No pressure for conversation. Just practice existing in someone's inbox. The fence gets weaker with each send.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:34:45 +0000

The fear of no response is real. It's not about logic, it's about old wounds. What helps is sending messages with zero expectation. Treat it like throwing paper airplanes. Some fly, some don't. And that's completely ok!

The ones that don't fly aren't rejections, they're just physics.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:32:19 +0000

Thanks for saying this! Following up is the invisible fence that kills more opportunities than anything. You're completely right, sending the second message isn't pushy, it's just acknowledging we're all drowning in notifications.

I now assume everyone needs 2-3 reminders. Not because they don't care, but because life is chaos. Keep following up!

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 15:27:32 +0000

Kids see through our nonsense so clearly. Your daughter just gave you the permission you've been waiting 20 years for.

"Did you have a fight?" "No!" "Then write to her."

That simple. The fence only exists in your head. Twenty years of silence ended by one message. What are you waiting for?

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 21:01:49 +0000

That's amazing to hear! And it definitely feels scary every time.

"Perhaps I'm too sentimental" --> I disagree, you're just brave enough to admit you care. That birthday message that still means something years later? That's the whole point. She probably has no idea she gave you that gift.

The fizzled conversations are less important than the ones you reignite. Every reach out is worth it, even the ones that go nowhere, because you're practicing becoming the person who tries.

What if, you text her right now? Like right now. Don't wait until you finish reading comments. Tell her that birthday message still matters. I bet you'll make her whole week.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:58:00 +0000

Agreed, there’s so much wisdom captured so simply in this comment. I’m still thinking about it.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:45:24 +0000

Fair point! The irony isn't lost on me, writing about breaking free from systems while building another one. Sometimes we need training wheels before we can ride free. The goal is shifting the mindset, and ultimately making the systems unnecessary eventually.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:40:05 +0000

Wow, this is incredible. You just proved that connection is 90% attitude, 10% history. You became friends because you acted like friends. Sometimes not knowing the "rules" is the superpower.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:38:47 +0000

The fact that you're asking means you already know the answer. Old dogs learn new tricks every day, they just call it wisdom instead of learning. Pick one person. Send one text. That's honestly it!

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:37:35 +0000

COVID emptied a lot of our tanks. Sometimes the fence isn't fear, it's just straight up exhaustion. The tank refills slowly, and you're allowed to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes it just starts with noticing when you think of someone, no pressure to act.

New comment by stroz in "The electric fence stopped working years ago"

stroz — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 18:34:45 +0000

Absolutely love the idea of "Targeted gratitude". You're right that sometimes the pain makes us shy away from looking directly at root causes. Gratitude as a way to hold the pain while we work through it is a profound idea. Simultaneously asking what the pain is trying to protect us from and thanking the pain for what it's trying to protect us from and giving yourself some grace for the courage required to do this. Thank you so much for sharing this, it's really helpful!