There have been times where I've been unable to "fall" asleep, but stayed in my bed, completely unaware of my surroundings or anything else except what's going on inside my mind.

It feels like my thoughts were starting from a single point, then randomly branching off into multiple directions (one after the brisk "completion" of the other), and each path had a certain "feel" to it -- as if my brain was testing things it had "learned" or "inferred" (and the mental models it had collected), or even things it wasn't too certain about or even guessing -- simply to see how it would "feel" when thought.

It's like your mind has a complex array of filters/gates that decide how an input will be processed -- and these filters are constantly changing, rearranging, and growing more complex as you grow; so during sleep it feels like the mind is in a loop, constantly throwing very simple things that have collected in memory, into the "mix"/filters to see what happens (will those filters adjust, a la conditioning and adjusting weights like in a neural net? Will some new and palpable way of looking at things be found? Are some thoughts/paths no longer needed? Should other thoughts/paths be prioritized?).

I think our minds hold onto all the inputs we've gotten during the day, and then process them at night, is what I'm trying to say. I imagine this is one of the big reasons why we sleep so much as we do (compared to hunger-gatherers, and primitive tribes): we have so much sensory input that gets collected during the day (including our thoughts, albeit the thinking we do during the day serves the same end: forcing our heads to deal with new information to figure out what to do with it).

And then you have meditation, that basically forces you to clean out the "volatile memory," so it doesn't interefere throughout the day. Basically telling your mind, "I don't need to incorporate this shit into my thinking. It's not vital. Dump the memory onto the disk, and we'll deal with it later, but not now!"

I've noticed that sleep completely changes my train of thought.

On any given day, I'll have a certain "mindset" or overarching "feeling" for the day. If I stay up for a day or two, that feeling will remain. And no matter what I do, that feeling rarely changes throughout the day. BUT, when I go to sleep, it's completely different. I always wake up with a new "train" of thought. Like when I was awake, the train was going on a certain rail line, but during sleep it was moved to a different one.

Definitely made finding a job as a SWE difficult. Pretty hard to break in. I got lucky.

I never had any connections/family worth anything, so I learned how to sell/market myself, and I talked my way into all of my early jobs.

Pretty straightforward once you figure out the process. Took a long time of eating shit to get there though.

I'm also lucky that I was adopted into an upper middle class family, and went to good schools, and interacted with children from successful families.

Even if those relationships have done zero for my career prospects, being surrounded by those sorts of people rubs off on you. If I grew up in a working class area, around working class people, my sense of values and my perspective on the world and so on would be a lot narrower, and less likely to lead to great financial success.

Some people never had a chance. The communities they're born into, and the people that imprint onto them, can snuff out any hope of moving up and out.

Pay sucks dick.

Unless you bust ass and work overtime/meet management's obscene expectations (you won't unless you're on meth), your pay is going to suck.

If you want a more relaxed environment (residential stuff, "small," few employees, lifestyle biz) your pay is going to be even lower.

Commercial pays better, but it's more soul-sucking and kills your body quicker.

If you're not in a skilled trade (big 3: plumber/pipefitter, electrician, or HVAC; physical IT/wire-pulling) it's even worse.

If you don't have a family/friend connection, good luck breaking in to anything worth anything (that includes a union. If you're non-union, you're basically screwed, unless you're high-skilled/massive amount of certs and can negotiate for yourself).

LUNA (or whatever the labor union goes by nowadays) is pretty decent if you've got a lot of problems in your life, but can come to work sober (and on time), do the work without bitching, and be productive. All the other unions worth anything are, once again, almost impossible to get into (unless you wait years, have a connection, or have a track record). Everyone wants to be an electrician (so much so, that even non-union shops aren't accepting any "apprentices,"---cheap labor---that don't already have experience; this is no different from the unions).

If you get in, it's a golden meal ticket for the uneducated; but pay caps out quickly (and any white collar professional with a shred of ambition will surpass you in pay in their 30s).

Hours are uncertain.

You can sometimes be working 2 hours a day, and sometimes 12. Overtime is cool, but it doesn't beat getting home and having a few hours to do anything at all, instead of passing out on the couch and waking up at 5am to go back to work.

Past that, any other jobs that pay better (tow truck operator, lineman, etc.) have even worse/more dangerous conditions. Your body will start hurting in your twenties, and you'll feel like you're 60. This won't go away unless you stop doing any physical labor for a while, but if you do that, you won't make money, nor gain "hours" (for those sweet union pay bumps after you pass a certain amount of hours -- regardless if you're the most efficient and most experienced apprentice, you'll still be getting paid the same as the bumfuck nephew of the owner who's only there because family takes care of family).

If you're a citizen of the U.S., there's no real reason to do manual labor, unless you really don't care that much about money or starting a family (most people in manual labor). For illegal immigrants, the pay is fucking amazing compared to what they get paid back home. They can work for a few seasons, save up their cash, then go back home where American dollars let you live like royalty.

I work in tech now. I get paid more than 2,000x what I did being a tradesmen, my body feels amazing now, I can fuck around all day doing whatever I want because I'm remote, and---in comparison---I barely do any work. These are my anecdotes.

Your life is your work, but the ability to own 5 houses is a nice balm.

I cannot think of anything the lower classes can offer that would be of any substance -- only things they can take away by force to impel the other to meet "eye to eye."

People will allow all sorts of horrendous things to happen, if it serves their interests.

Father rapes his daughter? The mother refuses to believe it: thinks her daughter is only doing it for attention; doesn't want her "perfect" family image to get shattered (plus, daddy dearest pays the bills and funds her lifestyle). Same goes for extended family.

"It couldn't happen in our family." "You know how teenage girls are." "He would never do something like that. I've known him for decades."

Cognitively checking-out, because it's not their "problem." And other forms of dissonance.

Those are only the stats for pregnancy, though. I'm sure the incidence of sexual abuse without pregnancy is higher.

I don't define art. It's a sense, not a logical box you can put things in.

Receiving money for your art is one thing; going out of your way to use it as a means of living is another. The work immediately becomes tainted, and is no longer art.

It could be an amazing piece, but if your line of work is receiving money for what you create, you're an artisan, not an artist.

A character drawn for an RPG is not art. It is not a work of art. It is a graphic designed for utility. That is all it will ever be.

The sublime nature of art is there because it transcends everyday vulgarity. One transcends mere personage and becomes an artist by being in the world, but not of it.

The more money an artisan makes, the more his craft suffers. He almost always improves his technical ability through this process (otherwise, he would not make money), but loses his soul, and will never be an artist. He does not have the fiber in his heart that allows one to suffer through all manner of anguish, and material poverty, to dedicate oneself towards something above oneself; so he settles for being an artisan.

I can understand not being educated on these matters. But the amount of misplaced confidence you carry, writing on things you know nothing about is detestable.

If your inquiries into the nature of humanity and what it means to be are genuine (and not mis-attributed self-importance), my recommendation is to read and listen more, and talk less.

Matthew B. Crawford's works are a decent bridge into all that, for the modern middle crust who feels something stirring in his soul, and needs a direction.

If you feel like your assessment of your own abilities is honest, then I would completely skip anything modern, and begin with Burke's A philosophical enquiry into the origin of our ideas of the sublime and beautiful. I will even buy you an unabridged copy and have it shipped to you, if you're a starving artist that cannot afford it (and my respect for you would increase, all the same).

Those who have the courage necessary to become artists, and renounce the vulgarity of the world, will continue to do so.

Those who delude themselves into thinking they're creating anything while being employed in commerce, will be managed out.

The deep crevice where the two meet and manage to find compromise, will continue to be filled by wealthy, independent patrons.

Asking others to think and do as we wish is silly.

Ironically, if it's that important to you, why don't you start giving monetary support directly to artists? Changing one's own actions is more impactful than trying to change those of the many (and the prior is more likely to lead to the latter, than if one were to focus solely on the latter).

IIRC, the cable needs to be modified, because the connectors are different, but I've seen it work.

Too many panicked monkey-beating sessions, where I accidentally clicked the "cast" button on a video has lead me to throw mine out (a gift).

I'd rather just run a HDMI/VGA cable into a TV.

One could argue any sort of idea is itself inherently a virus; once your mind understands it, it "clicks" into your head, and now you think about, and use it all the time -- spreading it to others.

It's a function of modern language/living, I believe.

We should all go back to clicking and clacking at one another in various tones and pitches.

click clack click click

clack clack clack

click clack click click

Their issues stem from emotional disturbance, not some high-minded difference in ideals.

Self-righteousness that seeks to subjugate others is a disease.

Only someone with deep emotional problems would choose to vehemently proselytize some notion vs. simply going for a picnic and enjoying the sun.

I am a disintegrated man -- lacking any boundary or inkling of personality. I do not have any sense of ego, or self. I do not feel anything. I am an animal; a beast that cares for nothing more than primal urges.

My caricature of "the way things are" is only bleak, fatalistic, and sad if you allow it to be. I don't consider it to be any of those things. I've watched people of all sorts go about life. I've seen the decisions they make, the things they've said, and the consequences of all their actions. My base inclinations were towards optimistic naivete.

After watching humanity, I believe it's foolish to go down that line of being. People are self-interested, and their self-interests do not stray further than "feel good, don't feel bad." Any higher cause, nobility, or substance within people is a mirage: a collection of ideas that only exist in your head, and are forced into "shape" by your mind looking for patterns.

If you strip away the doe-eyed idealism, the youthful fervor that preaches life, and all the human emotion from your words: there is nothing there. You have strung along a very pleasing-to-the-eye harangue (I do like your style. I could read it for days); but it's carried only by your emotion, and not by innate observations or intuitions that stand up on their own two feet.

I do not disagree with anything you've written. I agree with all of it -- except your sense of possibility and your still clinging to emotion.

You are someone whose temperament is full of emotion. It drives you, colors your world, and dictates how you act. It also means you're more likely to gravitate towards the things and thoughts that make you feel good (humanistic, life-affirming, etc.) and away from the the things and thoughts that make you feel bad (pathetic, unimaginative, all that is shit). This gives you much greater power for feats of will and sustained stamina. But this leaves you towards and action bias, and the world becomes painted with your emotions.

My temperament is naturally cool. I'm not driven by much, but rational understanding of the things I must do to keep my homeostasis -- my health, my soundness of mind, and so on. I do not gravitate to things, nor am I repelled from things. Things don't make me feel much, and I do not color them. They appear to me as they are: without assigned incorporeal qualities, and simply as they exist.

Knowing this, I do not suffer from cognitive dissonance, emotional disturbances, or other blockages and ailments of the mind. If something is truly fait-accompli, then I tacitly accept it.

People are driven by self-interest. They are driven by their emotions, those little daemons that have them fritter about, trying to make sense of everything. Your thoughts and feelings are no different. You are a critter, chittering on and on, trying to make sense of the world, and orient yourself. Why? Because you feel like you must -- that is your temperament; you're "holding on" to your emotions, still seeing them as some source of truth -- that they must be satisfied, else (it feels) something terrible will happen.

I have experienced different. I have found a tranquility of soul and mind, by letting go. My emotions are simply biological products of my nervous system -- nothing more. If I don't humor them, they will go away. If I humor them, I most likely drift into the realm of "spiritual violence" against others, trying to influence and touch their souls (as you have here).

The way I view the world does not make me feel anything. I accept the world as it is. I also accept that any "action" I try and take will simply be for the benefit of my emotional state (and not actually result in anything but a temporary shifting of the pressure from one area of society to another -- which will inevitably rebound).

Yet, I am at peace. Can you say the same?

They literally look exactly the same as people from our times.

Now I look at "1800s pictures" on some search engine's images, and they look completely different.

I'm gonna guess it's a mix of: doctoring/"touching up," camera, lighting, and cognizant angling/positioning of the people in question.

The candid shots look like people I would see on the street. While the stereotypical "1800s pictures" look like something I'd find on Instagram: completely alien to reality.

They stick a metal rod, that's been frozen in liquid nitrogen, into the piggy's heart.

This kills the heart cells.

Then they stuff the piggy into an MRI machine and take a picture of its heart -- because an alive piggy's heart beats and makes the picture blurry.

Then the scientists get a pretty picture on their computers and high-five one another.

Success, they all think: "mission accomplished. Funding secured."

This is not technology thoughtlessly trampling over human dignity; this is human nature expressing itself within a certain environment.

This is me realizing I cannot suckle off the financial teet of my parents and the state; and I actually must go out, make money, and keep my "work life" balance in-check -- because I'm a bag of meat with a reward-behavior system that needs certain things to remain functioning.

Online discussion is where I get my "fix." It's one source of stimulation that keeps me functioning at my best, and prevents me from degrading into a certain state of being that my biology considers "not good" -- one where I cannot meet the goals my entire mind and body have decided are "to be done."

I'm not some nobleman's son living in utter luxury and leisure. I do not have the resources available to live in an "ideal" world where I can spend my time worrying about the ultimate repercussions of blocking someone. I live in the "real" world, where I have to manage the repercussions of my own actions against my goals, and take into account how seriously engaging some nitwit on an online shit-flinging message board is going to affect my goals, and therefore my feelings and behaviors.

One could make an argument here that material inequality (and its great disparity between the two ends) has lead us to such a state of affairs; and that man's greatest faults are caused by his greatest sufferings: a system that breaks him down, and grinds away at this soul, preventing him from living a life predicated on ideals, and some greater cultural values.

But to disparage the tools which man made to try and adapt to the circumstances of his environment is silly.

I could choose to become a hermit, and live a life of anarchist pacifism, in order to live an exemplified life of idealism; but I don't want to.

How about girl as jirl?

Giraffe as jiraffe?

Frankly, I reserve my right to not care and have fun with language -- instead of being a curmudgeon (there's no point except to feel better about oneself).

> Printers are cool if you need to quickly print some black-and-white papers in a jiffy.

Most people's androgen:estrogen balance (and levels) are absolutely off kilter, if they live a modern life (no exercise/only exercise is the gym, lack of sunlight, sitting down all day, living in a city, braindead birth control protocols with only estrogens, etc.).

Tuning that would be the most beneficial. And it would get to the root of the problem viz. fixing a mismatched upregulation/downregulate of neurotransmitter receptors (f.e. increasing sensitivity of GABA receptors, decreasing sensitivity of noradrenaline receptors, and so on) -- instead of just a simple and stupid "hur dur lets flood the synaptic cleft with serotonin/dopamine/catecholamines."

Barring that, there exist others that do not disrupt one's natural HPTA, and are more "targeted" towards neurons, rather than the whole body.

Peptides:

There are an assortment of peptides, but their main uses are specifically in gene expression/and cell signal tuning. They're hit or miss. A lot of woo-woo shit going on, and many people hype them up as a cure-all (because there's money to be made); when that's taken into account (and the lack of extensive research), you'll find an assortment of chemicals to play around with.

Russian synthetic adaptogens:

These are their own category of "adaptogens" popular in the Russian medical community (and seeing Western adoption). E.g. semax, bromantane, selank etc. They act as hormones/signaling molecules by changing the expressions of genes (leading to downstream changes of natural peptide levels, behavior of psychological/catecholamine systems, and so on).

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All of these, in my opinion and experience, are leagues better than the garbage that is peddled by the U.S's medical community -- because this actually changes shit on the genomic level, rather than fucking with the physical processes outright (ex. imagine the difference between cloud seeding to get more rainfall vs. diverting rivers, to fill aquifers. One of these is much more sustainable and has less side-effects).